Category Archives: Love & Relationships

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Political Correctness makes Negative Behaviour

Have you ever tried to cut your own hair or trim a hedge in your garden? You have in your mind the exact shape and length you want the cut to be. You trim one side and then attack the opposite side to balance off the cut. When you look at your hair in the mirror, it seems unbalanced to you. Of course, we are our own critic. In an attempt to create the perfect cut, we see the slight imbalance in our haircut and attempt to fix it. We cut the other side trying to even out the cut and create a total mess. Soon we have cut our hair so short that we have to go to an expert to get it styled in a way that we did not want. The idea for this blog came through a conversation where several people shared their stories about ‘the hair cut’. One lady shared how her mom tried to cut her bangs and left a jagged mess before giving up trying to even out the mistake she had made.

We live in a world that exists in polar opposites. We have the North Pole and the South Pole. We have east and west and each is different, with its own climate, land mass and animals. This contrast makes our world an interesting and varied place. Only one part of the earth can be exposed to the light of the sun. The other, opposite side will always be in darkness, unless there are two suns shining at opposite sides of the world at the same time, and even then some part of the earth will be in partial darkness. This is the same for all of us. Even when we are in a room surrounded by light on all sides, the mass that we are, dark matter, will split the light and cause it to flow around us, thus defining and marking our existence.

For humans to understand the phenomenon called emotion, we need to experience the opposites – sadness, dependent on happiness to understand balance. In order for us to feel the righteousness of forgiveness, we need to experience a wrong and so on. The world and our own psyche are in a state of constant flux trying to create balance, like the pendulum that swings too far to the left and in its momentum back to balance, it swings too far to the right. This continues until the momentum is used up and the pendulum reaches a still point. In the world around us it seems that the political correctness that we embraced for the last couple of decades has swung back and the rudeness that we have kept under wraps is now uncovering itself. The political arena is a prime example. In the past, we fell into political correctness excising the words we innocently used to describe people and events in our environment. We avoided using statements and words to describe an event, a person or an activity that we’ve come to consider as hurtful. This quietened us for a while. But now the negativity is coming at us with a vengeance. We did not understood the emotional effects our words had on others and as we continue in ignorance, we are now feeling the pain that words can inflict.

For the person who spews toxic liquor in words, it is necessary to understood the  effects his behaviour and words have on the people around him. The antidote of issuing hurtful words and action is to realize that we are projecting our pain on to others because we are unable to hold it within. We cause hurt to the perceived weaker amongst us before they can inflict the pain to us. Only a hurt individual will willfully say things that cause hurt to others. Only a wounded individual will be hurt by the words spoken by another.

To become highly evolved beings, to achieve ascension, we need to be aware of our inner angst. In so doing, we will know what will make us react negatively and we can make corrections, creating balance.

Reflection in the mirror Blog

Look At Your Reflection In The Hall Of Mirrors And Find Balance

“You are the centre of your universe. Everything and everyone you encounter is a reflection of your unconscious belief system.” – Sonia Nadina Haynes

It has been said that the world is our mirror. The world as it presents itself to us, cannot be your mirror because you are kind and loving and a being of light.  How does this work with the mirror? When you were born, you knew yourself to be whole, perfect and divine.

Through challenging experiences, where you felt unheard and invalidated, you forgot this information and left the beautiful part of yourself behind. There is a brave little girl and boy, who is creative and fearless, who knows that he and she matters. He will assist your transformation if you stop long enough to hear what she has to say. Many people and especially powerful healers are hard put to connect with that innocent aspect of themselves. Because it requires diving into a pain that is so cutting, it seems impossible that it will end. Not going into the pain however, cause you to feel stuck.

You are left yearning to make a shift in your life and yet no matter how hard you try, the shift is unattainable. It is like in the commercial of the Coppertone child on the beach with the little black dog hanging on to her bikini bottom, our inner innocence holds us in place until we fearlessly allow it to emerge.

We are now in the time of the White Hall of Mirrors in Mayan prophesy. This is a time of reflection, when we face ourselves, becoming the watched and the watcher in our own lives. It is a time where we come in contact with our own inner truth hopefully without judgement. There is no good or bad in this state. It is we who think in such terms, and as we do so the world is reflecting this back to us. We are tossing thoughts out into the ether willy-nilly. I don’t like my hair. How am I going to make it through today? Why don’t I have any friends? Why am I still attracting this type of relationship? How am I going to pay the rent? These questions fill the spaces around us. Because they are questions, they require answers. Our world is constantly attempting to balance itself through presenting answers.

We cannot have the answers because we resist and forgot to look into the mirror. When we look at the reflection within our core we have the power to change the story around us. Pay close attention to the mirror. Be aware that if you do not like yourself, you will bump into people who will reflect this back at you. If you do not believe that what you have to say is important or valuable, you will meet individuals who will leave you feeling that you have no voice. These frustrating unconscious stories will show up in your body as diseases because your inner unconscious self wants you to find the truth, your truth. It needs you to know that you are important. It needs you to release the early childhood imprinting so that you can ascend into your divinity.

Sonia Nadina Haynes is a catalyst for change in the lives of all whom she meets. She is an Emotional Healing Therapist, Spiritual Teacher and Healer. She sees your past, present and future. She tells you what has brought you to this place in your life. What you need to do to resolve the present moment and what you need to do to positively impact your future.
Contact Sonia and heal your life today. contact@soniahaynes.com – 778-786-1301

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The Redemptive Quality of Forgiveness In The Holidays

Happy Holidays! In whichever form you choose to experience it. As we come to the end of two thousand and fifteen, part of the human race is showing a reversal of tolerance. The news media chooses to follow individuals exercising their right to speak their minds, to express their self-loathing spewed across the planet and out in to the universe.

We are in the chrysalis stage of the human evolution. As the caterpillar we absorbed the teachings of people like Wayne Dwyer, Marianne Williamson and the Dali Lama to name a few. These teachers helped us to recognize ourselves as divine beings in a physical, human experience. Now we have to turn what we know into wisdom. We absorbed the powerful teachings; reading books, attending workshops and lectures, meditation and our own unveiling wisdom to this end and beyond.

The end of year holidays force us to look within to see if we are as tolerant and loving as we envisage ourselves to be. Do you love someone regardless of how they treat you? Can you forgive yourself for being stupid, small, weak, or gullible? Are you able to see that in the weakness you are being given the opportunity to grow and develop into the powerful being of light that you are seeking to embrace?

Are we able to give kindness and love to the ones we feel have wronged us? Are we able to love and forgive the dark in others? Several movies come to mind, Dead Man Walking with Susan Sarandon and Sean Penn and The Green Mile with Tom Hanks and Micheal Clarke Duncan, to name a couple. These movies show the redemptive quality that love and forgiveness can bring. How does compassion and empathy fit in our desire to evolve and grow into beings of light? The ranter who spews words of hatred and derision is turning himself inside out showing us his or her own self-loathing. The person who causes harm to another began her journey to this state, in a tiny way mostly trying to show that he or she is kind and loving. This turns out badly because each must know his light first before the light can be seen by others.

Christmas carols are about kindness and love. They are about tolerance and magnanimity. The christmas tree is the sign of hope with the light shining at the top. When I was a child living with my grandparents, my grandmother woke me up one night to look at a star travelling across the sky. The star was incredible bright, with the long tail stretched behind it. It may have been a comet, but for some reason, my grandmother knew that it was there. Behind the wooden bedroom window, she would have had to have been forewarned of it’s coming, to be able to get up at that exact time, open the window to show it to me. It appeared like the star I read about in books, the star the wise men followed to the new born Jesus.

My grandmother was an angry woman, my grandfather was filled with malice. My sisters and I were sent to live with those two at such an early age that I may have chosen a different course in life but for the magical events I experienced that made me see that there was more to the existence that what my sisters and I were experiencing. This time of the year to me, is like the star that fell across the sky that night. It is a reminder that even though we may not see kindness or loving actions in those around us, loving kindness does exist. We are being asked to find it within ourselves and exercise our right to be loving. To show tolerance to even those we feel do not deserve it.

For those of us whose purpose it is to heal the planet, our job is not to preach to the converted. It is to go into the dark, scary places and shine our starlight so that those in the dark may find their way to the light.

May the light of understanding that sits within you, illuminate the hearts of the world in its darkest places.

Painting by Sonia Nadina Haynes

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What Does The Changes On The Planet Mean For You?

Is the planet dying and we are just waiting for that moment when the inevitable occurs? There is evidence that the life that we have known is really shifting. And these changes are being reflected on the planetary landscape. Recently, the biggest hurricane in the pacific ocean ever recorded, went over land and left very little damage or fatalities. It seems to me that there are multiple events occurring in different dimensions at the same time, that are overlapping and spilling into our world. Or maybe our behaviour is spilling over into the other dimensions.

Either way, there is a breach in time and space that is being broadened by our emotional states. The lack of care and disrespect we carry for ourselves is evident around us in violent acts against one another, for no reason. Put against innocent people.

Will we have to take drastic measures to save ourselves?

If so what will they be?

I teach about love of self and healing through love. In order to save the human race, it is necessary for us to find the way to love ourselves so that we can help the planet with a “pure mind and clean heart” mentality. Our minds will become pure when we release the fear that we are not good enough.

Magic is happening, it is necessary to clear our hearts so that we can include an acceptance of the magic within the universe into our own belief system. Painful wars occur when we do not believe or accept that we are each unique and special. Shaming of others occurs when we continue to blame and berate ourselves for our existence. We transfer our pain on to the person whom we identify as representing our weakness.

The time has come for this race called humans to let go of crazy illogical thoughts and embrace the idea of personal responsibility. We need to decide that we are now ready to accept our share of the abundance that is a part of the planet’s positive prosperity story. Do you deserve to have the best life ever? Are you willing to change your mind, let go of fear of having it all, in order to have it all?

Check your inner self and see. You are capable of having some the fifty percent of the world’s wealth that is held by the one percent, flow back into your and your loved one’s hands. All you have to do is Change Your Mind.

Sonia Nadina Haynes loves to support you in your healing. She is the author of several books available on Amazon and her website. As well as writing and healing, Sonia is a workshop facilitator and spiritual teacher. She works through the chakras, intuitive healing and shamanic studies to support your mental, physical and spiritual growth.

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Love, Affairs and Sexual Attraction

As I write this blog, I am hearing the words Frankie Lymon and The Teenagers sang “Why Do Fools Fall In Love?” Love seems such an elusive thing that when we are in the end of a passionate affair, we ask ourselves why. We call ourselves fools for opening ourselves to the passion that overwhelm us in that crazy moment. It is interesting to note that we do not stand a chance if we think we are able to resist mother nature’s magnetic pull when our time comes around. I remember falling in love so hard that I was unable to see that the guy was not my type until after the passion had cooled and I was able to extricate myself from the bonds of passion. At the time, I was not interested in being in a relationship. I was not asking if love would find me. I was just not interested, at all. Then Bam! Right between the eyes or the heart. Wow! Cursing myself as I fell! The bitter sweet torment. I wanted it and I was abhorred by it. I fought like a fish on the hook to get away while I was expressing my devotion. It took several months for the passion to cool and I was happy. The emotional quiet was delicious.

While I was caught in the web of nature’s force, I asked the question, why do we fall in love? What I learned was that the man with whom my heart was entangled was a seven times husband in the past. The last time we married, it was the height of art in the high renaissance. He left me with seven children to pursue his passion. I envisioned him in his course linen clothing and cloth cap with his satchel over his shoulder walking away from us. When he left, my children and I fell on hardship. Most of our children died and for me I needed to reconnect and complete the story. This life time I have been cleaning up karma, but that is a story for my memoirs.

What I am getting at is that our hearts know who is in our lives to clear mindset and karma. It knows who is our true love, who will be with us for ever. Love, affairs and sexual attraction are all based on past life stories, unless you are a new soul and I don’t think there are too many on the planet. Patience is an important aspect of love attraction. Keeping your head is also wise. It is easier to fall into the passion of the moment and create new karma requiring resolution, than it is to use constraint and find out why you are locked in the maelstrom of emotion. In a future blog I will address the reason why we end up in challenging relationships. I can help you sort out your relationships so that you can make the one you are with, work for you; if you choose to stay. Or help you prepare emotionally for the love of your life.

Emotional Healer, Sonia Nadina helps you resolve your story so you can have the best life ever. contact@soniahaynes.com.

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Is It Possible To Forgive?

Can you forgive even when the person who wronged you did so in the most horrendous way? We seem to be living in a world of retribution. Of righting wrongs by incarcerating or killing wrong-doers. The news is rife with stories of such things. The news reporters talk about putting politician’s feet to the fire to get them to fess up.

It seems that on a whole, mankind is seeking someone to blame for its pain and the present state of the planet. Funny the word mankind, man-kind. Kindness of man? Can we be kind to one we consider to be evil? What about children who are taught to hate from the adults in their lives. Do we find these people unforgivable?

My grandmother was shocked the day I arrived home from school weeping. She did not understand why I was so bereft at from her perspective, the justice brought upon a boy who nearly killed me, as she saw it. In school, I was small for my age, from the city, and smarter than the other kids. My first day of school, I was accosted by Laverna Campbell. The country bumpkin kids, thought that I must be tough coming from the city. Funnily enough I was six years old. They wanted to teach me a lesson. She bumped into me several times until I lost my temper and for the first time in my life got into a fight on the front lawn of my new school on the first day of school. My sisters and I were left to be reared by our grandparents as was the way in Jamaica. I was unhappy about being left behind and as the eldest was angry that at the age of five and a half I was having to also care for my younger siblings.

There was one boy in Mizpah Moravian School who, taller than almost everyone, and light-complected took it upon himself to torment the younger and smaller kids in the school. He walked with a cockiness that caused the little kids to cower when he appeared. I did not cower. Tiny and angry, I faced him one day when he targeted one of the first graders. I would not stand for it and stood between the child and him. The teachers intervened and things seemed to get better until recess time later in the afternoon when he swung the huge iron gate at the entrance of the school, glancing my head and sent me flying out into the street, knocking me cold. I guess an uproar ensued. I must have been unconscious for a while because I was told later that my grandmother, frightened that I might have been killed, showed up at school and gave the boy a piece of her mind. We were not ushered to hospitals in those days we were left until nature took its course. I survived but later the same day, the boy attacked another child whose brothers, three were there to defend their younger sibling. They beat the boy to an inch of his life. Each time he tried to stand he would fall over. I was distraught at the sight of him. I cried at the pitiful image he made as the victim.

I had always heard the statement that in order to understand a person it is necessary to walk a mile in his shoes. When I was small I took the statement literally. That day I understood what it meant. I heard in my head the words. “The bad man believes in the moment that his actions are right, but he is the most piteous sight when he is made to answer for what he has done.” I have empathy for everyone, even when I am angry at them. These day I don’t get angry at too many people, because I understand the root of their actions. Is it possible to forgive an individual knowing that he or she was taught to hurt others because they were relentlessly hurt themselves? We do have a choice, yet some of us never learned about those choices.

Forgiveness can bring us to a state of grace.

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Hope And Fear – The Dance Between Opposites

Love versus hate.
Hope versus fear.

These emotions have run our world since the beginning of time. We hear the adage; love is stronger than hate, or hope is stronger than fear, but what is the truth? We hope against hope that we can have a good life and that, that life is trouble free. But despite our hope, meditation, positive thoughts, fear screams in and we find ourselves struggling to maintain the life we worked so hard to establish. We try hard to carry love in our hearts for the rest of humanity until the day in the supermarket with the woman at the cash-out chose to take her time on one item, when we are late for work and why didn’t she know what she was doing before she got there?

How is it possible that as much as we try to be love and emulate hope, the opposites overtake our good intention? Why do we find ourselves locked in fear-based situations despite all our hard work to be positive.

Our world is a dual existence. You have heard this many times. Our world is a low vibration environment. This does not mean that low vibration is bad, it means that low vibration is the slowest. And as I said before, we exist in a polarized, dual world. Because this is a slow vibration, emotions will have sway in this world. Fear will naturally creep into our hopeful mindset for a moment, as often as we try to set up for the positive. Maintenance is required to keep love and hope strong in our life and throughout the world unless we raise our vibration towards light.

Vibration. The word has been bantered about since we realized that such a thing exists. But how do we raise our vibration and maintain the status quo? I said at the beginning of this blog that fear is the lowest vibration and that our world exists in fear. The antidote to this is to acknowledge that we are love and hope. But this movement must not falter. In order for us to move to a higher vibration, we must see ourselves as the full embodiment of love. We must become love. I don’t mean wishy-washy, la-la lovey-dovey stuff. I mean constant. Powerful. Forceful and quietly consistent love. To find this we must decide that we are each of us a beautiful piece in the fabric of the universe. We must recognize that we are all that exists in the universe and that we are also most certainly not alone.

This new year is a good time to begin to foster and sustain love.

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July 08th, 2013

It is Saturday afternoon and the sun has done its job of heating everything mercilessly. The windows are all open in an attempt to catch a little breeze. It’s not time for dinner as yet and anyway it’s too hot to eat. Seven people laze around, perched in various spots in the two bedrooms apartment in Brooklyn. Claudia sits in the living room with Lana and Sheryl. Lana shifts wearily on the sofa and the plastic covering the seat makes a loud sucking and squeaks as she dislodges herself from its embrace causing Claudia and Sheryl to look up even though they had heard that sound many times before. A groan escapes Claudia and Sheryl sighs wearily.

The muffled drone of a conversation is happening in the back of the house where the kitchen is located. Mom and dad come out into the little dining room next to the living room, pull out two chairs and sit down. Gerald can be heard – because Gerald uses loud music to mark his presence – playing the latest reggae music on his super boom box stereo.

“I wish Gerald would keep the noise down!” Sheryl moans.

“Why don’t you go and make him?” Claudia challenges.

“Who’re you talking to?” Sheryl asks. Lana picks up an envelope and fans her face and head.

“You, of course!” Claudia challenges

“Look here, you…”

“Girls, girls!” Dad calls from the dining room. “Why can’t you girls get along?”

“But Gerald is irritating me!” Claudia complains.

“Gerald, Gerald?” What does Gerald have to do with anything?” Dad responds.

“Well he is too LOUD!” Claudia says.

“You always talk up for Gerald and Nick. You never pay attention to what us girls have to say.” Claudia whines.

“Come now…,” Dad responds.

“Hey I heard my name!” Gerald’s voice streams in from the bedroom in the back of the house.

“I heard that!” Nick’s voice joins into the chorus.

“I wasn’t talking about you!” Claudia yells.

Sheryl and Lana’s voices join into the noise. Whines, yelling, complaints rolls through the small twelve hundred square feet space like the angry hum of a disturbed bee hive.

“Enough!” Dad yells. “Why can’t you children just get along?”

“Well, aren’t you going to tell Gerald to turn the noise down?” Lana and Sheryl, chorus.

“You girls just shut up! Don’t make me come into there.”

“Harold,” pleads Mom.

This is a conversation in a patriarchal household where the girls in the family feel that their needs are not being met by their father. It is evident in the above conversation. What was your childhood like? Did you feel that dad or the males in your family were listened to and heard more often than you were? How did you deal with this? Have you brought this unconscious story into your workplace, into your life? Are you one of those who feel that one part of society has more power than you? Do you feel that you have the ability to speak up at work and in your relationships with family or friends? How do you deal with the learned perception of inequality? How do you think Lana, Sheryl and Claudia should handle the problem of Gerald’s noise?

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Is There A Relationship In The Stars For Me?

One of the questions asked of Sonia by her clients is, “Is there a relationship in the stars for me?”

Love is in the stars for all of us. We are destined to experience the bittersweet sting of a love that is indescribable, frightening, delicious and all encompassing. Many years ago, while working in Australia, I met a beautiful woman who had never married. In our conversation, she asked me the age-old question. Will I meet the love of my life? I shared with her what I saw. I described a man who was the opposite of what she would have chosen. Her brows knitted as I described him. He was a lot like her father. She was at the age where she had given up on love being a part of her life. She was concerned about her looks, her age and what she heard out in the world about what men wanted. I guided her to understand what she needed to do, to make herself accessible when the man showed up in her life. And she was willing. It took a bit longer than the date I gave her as destiny has it’s own timetable, but she met and fell in love with the person who showed her the fullest expression of love. Many may say she was lucky, but luck does not have anything to do with it. It is emotional readiness and the capacity to be available when that appropriate love shows up. We always attract the loudest thought in our unconscious mind. If that thought/desire is based on fear, we will attract a person who takes advantage of us, and so on.

Many of us meet an individual who is in our range of vision, but we think that the person is not in sync with us because there is no visible commonality between us. Even though you may not accept that there may be a link between the two of you, you miss the synchronicity in the EVENT. (Yes, falling in love is an event.) Synchronicity is the simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernable causal connection. So for example a woman go to a party and runs into a man who is also at the party. They both seek that special someone. She is logical; he is musical. At some time in each of their past, she might have been hurt by a guy or gal who played the guitar; he by a woman or man who in his mind was too rigid. Neither of them is looking for the kind of person who was the cause of their pain. They end up in the same event, attracted to each other. Attraction overrules common sense. The memory of past pain still rules their reactions around love. Neither want to go down that road again; but he seeks structure that the other provides while she desires the magic in his or her creativity. How do they navigate this minefield and come out with everything they both need in a relationship?

Ironically, the musician needs and craves stability. Stability keeps him tethered in the physical world when his creativity takes him beyond the realm of logic and security. The linear thinking person, the responsible individual needs the magic in the music that the musician provides. It creates movement in the energetic field while activating the creative centres. Opposites do attract. The challenge is that if either or both sides come to the meeting with unresolved issues, the attraction will be so intense that the repulsion devastates for both sides. Each will approach the destructive shattering of illusion in different ways but there is usually one thing that keeps both parties trying to find common ground. Engaging in a conflict or argument such as money if you are in a relationship, children if you have any, your inner self automatically attempts to heal the rift in your energetic field by extending the love relationship through conflict.

It is possible to restore the original dynamics behind the connection in the first place. Love exists regardless of the face it is displayed upon. In a break up, love’s face is anger stemming from hurt. Fear uses ego to try and hold onto what it knew to be beautiful and peaceful and comforting. In relationships, ego has no place. And yet in relationships ego is the driving force that pulls two fearful beings together.

Join me on my online class as I shares insights on love relationships, how to attract divine love and put grace into the love you have.

Join my show on April, when I talk about fear and ego and making oneself ready for the love that makes your life complete.